A few years before G was born, I convinced J that I wanted to drop out of Corporate America to start my own dog walking business (one of many big ideas I've had in my life that didn't quite pan out). I put together an elaborate Powerpoint Presentation with a cost-benefit analysis, my break-even point and lots of cool and clever graphics.
He fell for it, and agreed to give me 6 months or something like that to make it work. So, I started an internship at a local dog training organization, Call of the Wild.
Leading me to . . . my next major career decision - I would be a dog trainer.
Of course, every dog trainer needs a dog.
So, I went to work on that one. J, again, not really sold. I prevailed and we got our little Yellow Lab puppy, Charlie (she's a girl, but J felt like it would be embarassing at the dog park calling out some girlie name, so we called her a "sexy" name).
Next big career move . . . A doggie daycare position opened up at Call of the Wild and one of the great internship benefits is that you get first dibs. So, I got the job.
Impressive. Let's see. Good job with a bonus . . . wannabe business owner . . . wannabe dog trainer . . . finally, someone who picks up poop, mops up pee and breaks up doggie fights, all for just over minimum wage.
Hmmm, that's pretty much what I do now for nothing but love.
Charlie got to come to work with me every day. She got to go on every play and hang out with all the doggies. Most importantly for her, she got so much exercise, she could eat whatever she wanted and still look trim and sleek (she's very vain). We were pretty much always together. She was in Lab Heaven. Even after I quit the dog place in my second trimester, we still went to the dog park almost every day.
Fast forward to September 8, 2004 - 10 days past my due date
I had an ultrasound and stress test in the morning to make sure everything was okay with little missy. My amniotic fluid was a little low, but everything looked good. I had an appointment with my OB later that afternoon, but she had told me previously that she would wait until I was 2 weeks overdue before inducing. I called J in between appointments and we talked about what day we would choose to induce (ha, ha, like we had a choice). Well, I got to my doctor's office and she said "how about you go home and get ready and I'll meet you at the hospital in a few hours."
I got into the car and absolutely burst into tears. I couldn't get a hold of J (and what was with that, I was 10 days late - WHY did he not answer the phone immediately???), by the time he called I'd already worked myself into a frenzy with my mom and sister. WHAT was I going to do with my sweet dog Charlie?
It was the only thing I could think about for some reason. I would get to the hospital around 5 p.m., so I could feed her before I left, but I needed someone to take her out. Long term, she was going to spend a few weeks postpartum near my mom's house at the Lucky Dog Lodge. She loved it there and so I wasn't worried about that. But, for that night and the next morning, I was just frozen on what to do. Looking back, I'm not sure why I hadn't planned this out better. I think I had a plan, but whatever I thought it was, it must have had a few holes.
I got home from the doctor's, still sobbing and had to take her for her last walk as Mommy and Dog alone. I walked around my neighborhood - huge, pregnant, sobbing, and carrying on a full conversation with her about how I was sorry that everything was going to change, but that I would still love her, that she'd love the baby and that we'd still do fun stuff. I'm guessing everyone in my neighborhood thought I was off my rocker and perhaps had more than a little concern for the well-being of my soon-to-be born child.
On the walk, juggling my cell phone, dog leash, dog treats, poop and my unwieldy body, I figured out a plan with my mom for Charlie.
We fed her and left for the hospital and then I didn't see her again for almost 3 weeks. By the time she came back, it was different. I had so many moms tell me how their dogs drove them crazy after their babies were born.
I didn't believe it could happen to me, but it did.
Fast forward to today
Poor Charlie. She does drive me crazy. She's always underfoot, always in the way. I love her, but lots of times I wish I could just turn her off like one of G's toys. On when we want to play, off when we're done.
All this inattention and a lot of dropped finger foods have made her so chubby. Plus, she loves food so much that my guilt forces me to feed her doggie treats as I head out the door with G to go do something fun.
Some nights, she just comes over and stares at me. I know she wants something, but I don't think I can give it to her yet. She wants the love back.
She is so sweet and so good with G. The sad thing is that she could have all the love she wanted, if only she wanted it from G. She loves Charlie more than anything in the world. G has started trying to drink out of Charlie's bowl on all fours like a dog. She picks up Charlie's toys and tries to chew them like Charlie. She also likes to stick her tongue out to have Charlie kiss it. Yes, they french kiss.
Charlie puts up with it, but she always looks so sad, like she just wants her old life back.
People tell me the love comes back. I hope so.
