Chicago Mama Spot

Why am I always running behind?

Being ADD, my whole life I've been running late.  The ironic thing is that I hate to be late.  Sometimes, I'll even skip going somewhere if I'm late just because I hate to walk in after everyone else. 

Since Sweet Pea has become a toddler, I've entered a whole new realm of lateness.  Not just when I'm going somewhere, all the time.  I'm perpetually behind.  I've read that people with ADD have a hard time estimating how long things will take.  That does seem to be one of my problems. 

I am continually underestimating how long everything will take with a toddler  a) hanging off my limbs b) destroying the house c) becoming so obsessed with something that tearing her away causes a hysterical breakdown d) freaking out about whatever I'm doing (drying my hair) e) all of the above.

Easter Sunday was a perfect example.  I love the concept of entertaining, but I'm always coming up with some huge plan for the menu, the table, the gifts, etc.  This usually means that I end up stressed out and not having any fun at my own gathering.  So, this time I decided that I wasn't going to go that route.  I decided on a brunch casserole that I could mostly make the night before, asked my MIL to bring fruit salad and came up with a few other side dishes that were easy and could be put in the oven instead of made on the stove.  Plus, we have a warming drawer in the new house, so I figured I could handle any timing problems. 

Ha ha ha.  Sweet Pea slept in.  So, of course, I did too.  I woke up with only a few hours to finish cooking, clean the house and shower. Daddy-O's parents arrived and I still had so much to do.  Luckily, I had showered and Sweet Pea was dressed.

Thank god Daddy-O was back from his golf trip.  He did most of the cleaning.  He had his first taste of how truly close I feel to the neighbor's house.  He was vacuuming all the dog hair off the couch and looked up to see our neighbors and some friends on the couch.  Not really the impression he wanted to give the husband.  I think I've mentioned that Daddy-O is kind of a guy's guy, not really a vacuum guy. 

As soon as his parents walked in the door, Sweet Pea started crying and wouldn't let me put her down.  She was hysterical.  I think she thought I was leaving since Papa babysits her every Monday and I leave.  Finally, she let Daddy-O hold her. 

I have to say, I triumphed over my disorganization.  Or at least, the entire bottle of Champagne that I served myself helped me feel like I did.  Besides the paper napkins that didn't match anything on the table, brunch was great. 

For the first time in a while, we had an easy, relaxing time with Daddy-O's parents.  They even called today to say what a nice time that had.   Note to self:  Remember this and just let go of the need for perfection when we have people over.  It's so much more enjoyable for everyone when I just go with the flow.

Lame Easter Mama

My slight Neighbor obsession has diminished now that Daddy-O is back from his golf trip.  It seems like he's been gone for so long, but I think that's just because I haven't really been sleeping much since he's been gone.  I did get so much accomplished.  There aren't too many boxes left.  Just one storage closet full and that has to stay that way until we get the basement finished.  I am so happy it's almost done! 

It's so nice to have Daddy-O back home.  We missed him.  Sweet Pea said "I love you" for the first time on the phone with him Thursday.  She kind of slurred the words together and she was just repeating me, but my heart melted. 

On to the important stuff . . . I don't want anyone to think that I've forgotten about Neighbor.  I'm still interested in becoming FF (Friends Forever if you didn't use this one in grade school).  But, I think I just stop worrying and try just be normal. 

However, there is the blind dilemma.  We have windows looking directly onto their deck.  Do we leave the blinds open in the evening?  We have up to this point, but if they're on the deck and someone is on our sectional, you're almost part of their conversation.  I  brought this question up to my mom and sister last night, and a few minutes later out Neighbor and her husband came with another couple.  Well, obviously I couldn't close the blinds after they came out.  That would have been rude.  Oh hi, I see you and now I'm shutting my blinds on you.  I think when it gets warm, maybe we'll just shut them at night.  I really am trying not to obsess about weird stuff, but sometimes the ADD kicks in pretty strong!

We're having Daddy-O's parents over for Easter brunch.  I could get enough blog content on them to last me a long time, but I'm staying quiet on the in-law front because it just best for all.  They love Sweet Pea beyond belief and that's all that matters to me.  They just got back from Paris.  I don't think either of them have ever been abroad or traveled too much, so it should be interesting (or maybe really, really boring) hearing how it went.  I'm crossing my fingers that the pictures have been somewhat edited down. 

Besides making a delicious Easter brunch, I am a lame mama.  Sweet Pea doesn't really get holidays yet and we're not too religious.  So, I'm really just dressing her up for the grandparents and because it's so fun to see her in a new spring dress.  I bought the whole Paaz egg thing.  We've just been too busy to do it.  I have a really cute felt Easter basket for her, but all I really have to go in it is paper Easter grass and some empty plastic Easter eggs.  I'm dreading Grandma asking me what we did for Easter for Sweet Pea. 

This mommy guilt thing is really all-consuming.  The weather is really working a thing on me.  It has been so nice.  I just feel like I should be outside all the time with her.  If I'm not, mommy guilt comes to get me.  I'm almost glad tomorrow is supposed to be rainy. 

How is it 1:30 in the morning already?  I've got to get to bed, so I can wake up early to get brunch ready.  Since Sweet Pea started sleeping in so late, I have no reason to get to bed early.  It's really hurting our productivity during the day.  I have so many errands backed up.  She is sleeping almost 16 hours a day.  It has to be a growth spurt or something.  The two of us are little sloths sleeping in until 9:30.  Not tomorrow, I'm going to have to be a tornado of activity to get things ready by 10:30. 

Au revoir.

Second Chances

I have never been a good at keeping touch with old friends.  I don't stay in touch with anyone from high school or college.  It makes me sad because I had some very good friends.  I think it ties in with the ADD.  I have the best of intentions, but then my life gets a little too busy or overwhelming and I just never make the time to sit down and call.  It gets even worse when I forget to return phone calls.  I get too embarrased to call and then, it's just been too long.  I think I'm a great friend to have except for that.  I just have a  an out of sight, out of mind problem.

So, what a nice surprise to get an email from one of my oldest friends.  When I first graduated from college, I moved to Hoboken, New Jersey and worked in Manhattan right across from Grand Central Station.  I was living alone and paying $900 rent - a lot in 1990, especially since I worked at a non-profit and only made $22,000.  So, after a few months, I found some listings for people interested in roommates.  At the first place I went, the person had double-booked.  So, both of us talked to this woman for a while and then, as we were leaving, the other interviewee said "I didn't really like that girl, but I like you, how about we look for a place?"  We hit it off right away.  She met her future husband a few months later and the three of us did everything together.  Over the course of the year that we lived together, I met her whole family and most of her husband's.  We were friends in the way that you really only can be in your late teens and early 20s.  There is so much trauma and drama that you really get to know someone, almost like family.

After a year, I'd had it with the big city and decided to move to New Mexico (long story - of course, with a boyfriend involved).  Michelle and I kept in touch pretty regularly.  I was in her wedding a few years after I moved and we talked or emailed three or four times a year.  Then, I sort of dropped the ball about six months ago.  Every once in a while during a bout with insomnia, I want to kick myself for not calling her back or at least emailing.

It's so nice to get second chances in life.  I've already emailed her back and can't wait to find out how she's doing.

You might be an ADD mom if . . .

1. You routinely find yourself out of (pick one or all) diapers, milk, clean pjs, wipes.
2. You have to run back into the house a million times to get everything you need.
3. You find yourself trying to use those awful, brown, public restroom paper towels instead of wipes, because you forgot to put them in your diaper bag AGAIN.
4. Your diaper bag is so packed, you can't close it.
5. You're the mom in your playgroup who has (pick one or all) cups, plates, silverware, clothes, or toys, at every other mom's house because you always leave something.
6. You usually arrive at playgroup so late that almost everyone else is gone.
7. You surfed for hours finding just the right birth announcements only to take a year to send them.
8. You've saved each & every piece of paper related to your baby and it's all shoved into various boxes waiting to be scrapbooked.
9. You have hundreds of baby related sheets of 12 x 12 paper and every baby embellishment known to man for your baby's 1st Year scrapbook.  It is also all shoved into various boxes around the house.
10. Your baby's first year milestones and baby book stuff is on sticky notes and scraps of paper shoved into boxes and notebooks around the house.  She's going on two.
11. You call to schedule your baby's 18-month well visit and realize she's 19 months.
12. You keep finding the frozen waffles in the refrigerator. 
13. You get so focused on what you're doing, you turn around to find your child asleep in her highchair.
14. You spend 2 hours making a detailed To Do list and spend all day doing other things. 
15. You have 3 month, 6 month, 12 month, and 18 months pants all shoved into your baby's dresser together.
16. You have 10,000 messages in your email inbox because you never delete anything.
17. You come home expecting a delicious slow cooked meal, but you forgot to turn the slow cooker on.
18. You go to your dog's vet appointment wearing two different shoes and don't realize it for two days.
19. (Pick one or all) Food, trash, books, crayons, dvds, mittens, clothes, clean diapers, or dirty diapers fall out of your car when you open the doors because your car is so cluttered.
20. It's 6:00 before you realize you haven't made dinner.

And last, but not least.  You might be an ADD mom if you become obsessed with all things blog.

This isn't all true about me, but any of it could be! 

Bad Mama, Part II

Do you think it is a bad thing to write about being a mom, but to spend more time writing about it than doing it?  This blogging thing is really consuming me - there are so many great mama blogs out there.  I can't stop.  Someone help me, my daughter is becoming addicted to tv . . .

Okay, must stop!  She has to eat sometime soon. 

Note to self - do this stuff only when she naps or sleeps.  It's too bad I have a husband to worry about too.  Ah, the joys of being ADD.  It's great when it's only you and you're trying to kill some time.  It's not so great when you have other people who need your attention. 

Starting . . .

Starting is the hard part right?  No, actually probably not for me.  It's continuing that always gets me.  I'm a great starter.  Always have been.  I can start a sport or a book or a hobby and right away I jump out in front of a lot of other beginners.  Sadly, it doesn't last long.  My husband, G., once looked at me and said "for taking 20 years of tennis lessons, you're really not that good."  Kind of me in a nutshell.  I loved the going to buy books and notebooks part of college.  I love the researching paint colors part of painting.  The actually doing is never as much fun.  It's a wonder I ever got through to the writing part of this blog.  In keeping with my personality, it was much more likely that I'd spend my time refining the look. 

This part of my personality makes this mom thing kind of scary.  There is no putting it away in a closet and wishing you hadn't spent every dime of your paycheck buying interesting yarn for your novice knitting project.  This is forever.  Even if one of us goes, we'll always be mom and daughter. 

I'm a fairly new mom - my adorable daughter is almost 18 months.  I stay at home with her, but work on various things for my husband.  Actually, a lot of the time, I'm his internet slave.  "Can you research this or find this for me?"  That's fine, but sometimes I'm in the middle of something - like trying to figure out why there have been almost no pictures of Jennifer Garner since she had the baby.  Important stuff and he thinks I can just creak by my sleeping baby to get him important information!  If I wake her, fun time for mommy is over!  Call the 800 number to find a DHL drop-off for god's sake, I'm busy!  Of course, I just say that silently or now I write it here and hope he never gets technologically advanced enough to find this spot.

I like staying at home with my daughter.  It turns out I wasn't that good at working.  I had a great job.  I made alot of money (at least I thought so).  The problem is that once the internet became accessible to me, I just couldn't get anything done.  If you know much about A.D.D., you may have heard the term hyperfocus.  I can do that and then some.  Once I get on to something, I'm like a pit bull.  Some mornings, I wake up and think, why did I spend until 2 in the morning looking at wooden cutouts of flowers and birds to decorate the playroom?  Up until the internet came along, I was pretty responsible - sure I veered off, but how much was there to do in an office.  I had to work. 

So, here I am.  The 38 year old mother of an 18 month old daughter.  All the relationships in my life are sort of viewed through that prism - a ama (advanced maternal age), ADD, Chicago mom of what will most likely be an only child.   It's not that others see me that way.  It's just sort of how I look at life.  It's definitely not the life I thought I'd have, but more on that in future postings. 

For now, I just have to be happy I've started writing . . .