School Woes & the Catholic Church

Like a lot of bigger cities, getting into preschool is kind of a competitive sport.  I thought I'd found a decent option - I really like the Montessori approach, especially for younger kids.  Most of the Montessori schools here have long wait lists.  At the school I really love, we are currently 16th on the girl waitlist for the parent/toddler program.  Getting into the parent/toddler program at many schools guarantees you a spot in preschool.  Obviously, we're not getting in this year.

I ran across another Montessori school in my research that goes through 3rd grade.  The only catch is that the school is Catholic.  I'd sort of decided it was no big deal since Daddy-O was raised Catholic (kind of).  His mom is Catholic.  Even though I'm sometimes skeptical of organized religion, I figured if the school was good and the teachers cared about Sweet Pea, it wouldn't be that different from any other school.

Then, I heard about this teacher.  That made me do a little research.  That scared me.

Since I'm not Catholic, I hadn't really thought about the church's position on IVF.  Since I believe I'm a good mother and a good person, I hadn't really thought about how the Catholic school system might feel about my child.  My child, the love of my life.  My child, the life I wanted to bring into this world more than anything.  My child, a person, not a personification of evil. 

I read how the church feels about IVF:

In summary, the Catholic Church condemns as gravely evil acts, both IVF in and of itself, and stem cell research performed on IVF embryos.

Sweet Pea won't be going to Catholic school.  Daddy-O sort of rolled his eyes when I told him about this.  I think he feels, like many Catholics friends of ours probably do, that what the Vatican says isn't necessarily the feeling that we'd get from the parents and faculty of a particular Catholic school.  We have a lot of Catholic friends who I know don't think we're evil or that Sweet Pea is evil.

I don't care.  Like most parents, I have no interest in putting my daughter into a situation where she feels inferior. 

The Catholic church says that she was born of an evil act.  That's a strong enough statement that I just can't get over it.

We didn't destroy any embryos.  We didn't have a lot of other options.  We had a beautiful daughter who we love with everything we have.  We are good parents trying to raise a good person.  Isn't that the important part?

It is so hard for me to understand the hate that goes into a statement like the one from the Church. 

I imagine someday I'll tell Sweet Pea how she was conceived. Hopefully, by then people will be more accepting and less judgmental.

Comments

[Michelle]

Wow, your words are exactly what I needed to read this evening. After years of struggle, I underwent IVF, and now have 3 year old twins. To hear the Catholic church's view on it makes me so incredibly angry. Yes, I was raised Catholic, but this is the last straw. We will be moving to a religion that doesn't continually preach hatred and judgment of others.

[crystal]

I was raised Catholic myself and I wouldn't send my boys to Catholic school. I hope you find a great school!

[thrice]

 

You probably wouldn't have been able to send Sweet Pea to the Catholic school anyway, since I am assuming that Sweet Pea was never baptised in the Catholic church.  Some schools even require the family to attend weekly Sunday Mass.  So don't sweat it too much.

Did you try Chicago's urbanbaby? Our urbanbaby has loads of info, from other mothers who have gone through or are going throught the preschool drama.

I am a alumna of Montessori and loved it.  My husband wnated our son to attend a yeshiva.  It turned out that the early childhood director of our son's preschool had Montessori training and had adapted the classrooms to a  pseudo Mostessori feel.  Which I suppose was the best compromise for us. 

Good luck!

[Susan]

My husband and I are both lapsed Catholics; our younger son will be going to a Catholic school next year. It was a hard decision for us, because there is so much Catholic doctrine that is the exact opposite of what we believe, but one thing we realized was this: not everyone in the world sees things the way we do. Last year our older son went to a very nice Montessori school and while he wasn't taught about God or religion, his classmates were very very wealthy and he was learning all about the virtues of private planes and vacation homes and weekly trips to the toy store. Those things don't fit in our belief system either.

I think that because we are raising our sons without religion we are having to work very hard to articulate what we DO believe in, and I am hopeful that if I do a good job at that, my sons will listen and respect life in all its forms--AND respect other people's beliefs as well.

(Coincidentally, I'm watching the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie catches Mr Big going to church with his mother . . . )

[sugarmama]

Religion is always such a hard topic to get in to so I normally stay away from it.

I'm Catholic and went thru Catholic school systems for years and years. But I've managed to upset every single rule that the Catholic Church like on contraceptions, and on sex. And without guilt, I still consider myself as a good person, and raise my children knowing that as long as they are not hurting anyone around them including themselves then so be it. So why stay Catholic? I believe that there is a God, and I happen to be born in that religion. I don't have to go around trying to find a religion that fits me.

In all fairness to all religions, each one has its own beliefs that will somehow trigger some of us negatively.

Both my kids went to a Christian Preschool, and as beautiful as the teachings are - some people has a way of making that Church look bad too. I've never seen so many judgemental group of parents in my life where they'll shun you away and make you inferior just because you are something else than their religion.

Sweet Pea is God's gift to the world. :-)

Good Luck in your search.

[petitegourmand]

raised catholic and sent through the catholic school system I can say for certain that I will NEVER send my daughter to a catholic school.
for many reasons, too many to list.
But IVF? can they stoop any lower?
ridiculous.
good luck finding the right school for sweet pea,
we are currently in the same boat.

[Jennifer]

I am delurking to say how sad (and frustrating) it is that the church takes this approach. There is so much about the Catholic church that I simply do not understand at all. I wish more people would raise and discuss these issues instead of saying, "Well, I don't agree with the church on that, but I was raised Catholic..."

[donna]

I was raised Catholic myself, and everytime they issue some sort of stupid edict like this one, I become more and more proud of the fact that I shed Catholocism as quickly as I could. My brain just doesn't allow me to swallow all the garbage that comes out of the Vatican.